Life in France

Hi there.  It's been awhile.  It has been one heck of a month getting settled.  We finally got internet this week, so I am hoping to keep the blog updated more frequently. 

This is a time of adjustment.  All I can say is visiting a country and beginning a life in one are entirely two different things.  I mean, I knew that already logically.  I would say that we were as prepared as a family can be before starting anew in an entirely different culture.  Nevertheless, the emotional hurdles that we have had to jump over and the spiritual terrain that we have had to navigate here is much more than I can logically define on the written page. 

Isabel and Ian are both becoming settled in their new schools.  The first week was incredibly trying for them (and us!) emotionally as they both were in tears for several days upon entering the school gates.  As you can well imagine, thrusting them into the French public school system entirely in French was stressful for them.  Ian is in a regular classroom half of the day (called CE1, the equivalent of 2nd grade in the states) and the other half he spends in a program for those learning French as a second language.  Isabel is in the final year of Maternelle (kindergarten equivalent) which is the French preschool system that essentially runs for three years.

In the morning, Bryan and I walk the kids to school and then we spend the morning in school.  At lunchtime, we pick up the kids, have lunch together, and the kids and we go back to school at 1:30.  It is very intensive language training for us.  It has been a bit stressful keeping this schedule and trying to get a household set up the past month.  Bryan and I both are struggling a bit accepting the posture of a child again.  I love learning and studying ideas.  I love acquring knowledge through books and processing complex ideas.  Yet, language learning is a different beast.  It is to start over again.  I, literally, have the vocabulary of an infant.  I was watching a network called "BabyTV" in French the other day and was temporarily quite proud of myself for understanding the content.  Soon thereafter, I was brought back to the reality that the content was geared for an 18 month old. (and I am being quite generous to my ego by saying 18 months)

We knew intellectually that we would be here in this position.  We knew that language learning would be slow and with baby steps.  However, we both are realizing what incredible demons of pride and intellect we wrestle with.  Maybe I also knew that to some extent, too, before coming here.  I thought in many ways I had dealt with so much of that.  However, we are like onions.  Layers upons layers of "stuff" God wants to purify and make whole.

I have been struggling a lot with very deep level issues this month in terms of my identity.  Who am I without my ability to conceptualize and theorize?  Who am I (even) without my ability to connect via the internet?  Who am I really?   I see Bryan struggling with the same deep level issues.  Who is he if he is not a success on every French test?  Yes, we know we are children of God, but with each year it seems that God just drives it home a bit deeper, a bit more challenging, a bit more thought provoking.  He is drawing us closer to Him, but it can be awfully painful to examine sometimes.  Being honest with oneself is one of the most difficult tasks that we are called to.  And learning to name it and confess it, even more difficult. 

Our prayer right now is that God would use this difficult time for bringing us closer together instead of stressfully dividing us at times.  We pray that we stay focused on Jesus and continue to let his light radiate from our lives.  I do not need to know what we will be doing one year from now, but I am bombarded with the thought, "Really, Jen, why are you here right now?  What purpose is this really going to serve?"  And I don't feel that is a thought from God because I know deep down He has lead us to this point.  Therefore, prayers to quiet those lies would be appreciated.  We just want strong family unity right now.  The kids have been through so much, and I want them to feel, especially, God's love for them.