Thanksgiving Gratitude

Thanksgiving was a glorious day!  What a marvelous God we serve. 

The night before, I had made the decision to go into Paris by myself, take myself to an AA meeting and spend the afternoon walking around Paris while the kids and Bryan were in school.  I prayed the night before for adequate energy and for an extra special wake call from God.  "Please, please, please," I pleaded, "get me up and get me out the door to do all that I need to do tomorrow."  Because he is so faithful that it makes me chuckle, the kids (both of them) ran into my bedroom at 7AM and made me get out of bed. (instead of the usual me and Bryan trying to get the kids up at 7:30)  Once the kids and Bryan were off to school, I did a quick workout and got ready for my outing.  I was just filled with an overwhelming sense of gratitude yesterday morning for all the wonderful people God has brought into my life over the last couple years. 

At 11, I hopped on a commuter train to Paris and caught the metro to a lunchtime AA meeting.  It was just filled with wonderful people, some with lots of wisdom and sobriety.  I really saw the beauty yesterday in how the Spirit works once again as a meeting starts with a topic and the Spirit leads people to speak.  It is always something you need to hear.  I am astounded at this God of ours who rescues us!  This God who comes to our aid and continues to love us even when we cannot fully comprehend his nature!  This God who does not condemn us when we are still learning what prayer is all about!  This God who allows us to put him in a box called 'cosmic universe' or say things that express our hurt done by others in the name of Jesus but still allows his Spirit to work slowly, carefully, lovingly!  Sometimes he heals in incredible, wonderful immediate bondage breaking ways, but more often than not, permanent life lasting bondage breaking is a slow, sometimes very painful, process.  Sometimes not.  Sometimes it is: boom, boom, boom immediate!  But it is the refusal to see one or the other that prevents us from seeing Christ in some really amazing relational circumstances.  Sometimes our individualistic nature makes us think it is all about 'freedom as fast as possible' instead of thinking of God as a very patient, loving personal being who believes that relationship and fellowship are an integral part of this freedom. 

In fact, I feel the injustice that Jesus followers do by leaving AA when they feel they have found "their healing."  As if our healing is over when we get healthy!   I feel the injustice in denying the work of God in twelve step meetings when Jesus is right there in our midst!  How can we deny programs like AA and run and shelter ourselves in 'churches' when the thirst for the Gospel is so clearly right there!  In some ways, I am preaching to myself here.  I have been guilty of sheltering myself in the church in the last couple years.  I have been guilty of listening to those who kindly make the suggestion that I need to move past AA, that I am no longer an 'alcoholic', that it is a label that is restricting my 'freedom'.  I have to wonder if buying into that on a subconcious level in church culture, ironically, has restricted my freedom or ability to bring freedom through Jesus to others?  What happens if we begin to think of freedom not only as individual paradigm but a corporate paradigm?  Jesus was full of paradoxes.  This seems to be one of those interesting paradoxes.

I no longer am an alcoholic (as an identity) but I am a recovering alcoholic (who can easily forget the power of God that is the center of my life) and must not forget my story.  It evolves, it changes, it matures but I cannot forget where I came from and how God has redeemed it and folded it into his Grand Story.  And I cannot drink again because doing so undermines the miracle that God did in my life and continues to want to do in and through me to draw others into relationship with Him and with me.  It feels so nice and warm and fuzzy to safely talk about Jesus at a distance (regardless of your faith or background, you probably think he was worth emulation), go to church conferences, and reach out occasionally to those "in need."  Certainly, fellowship with other Christians is imperative, and I would be absolutely nowhere without their prayers and love in the last few years.  I can say without doubt now that our God operates in an incredibly personal and supernatural way.  Nevertheless, when we try and separate ourselves too much from where we came from we can miss out on our central calling in life.  We can miss out on the greatness of God precisely because we 'overidentify' with a 'label' instead of truly knowing and following and identifying with the One Who Redeems Us and Makes Us Whole.  But you have to know Him and emulate him first: do you?  Or rather, do you know that you can?  Do you?  Do you have any familiarity with why the Holy Spirit was sent?  Do you come from a background like mine that talked much about the Father and the Son but not of the Holy Spirit?  Do you fully live a life in community with the Trinity of the Godhead?  Search.  Ask.  Pray when you are ready, and this wisdom shall be given to you.   It might not come overnight, but it will come.

Wow...that was more than I planned to write about that.  Sometimes it just comes, and I just keep typing.  Bear with me.  That was as close as I get to evangelism mode, but I am so excited about how lives can be transformed because we have a very personal relational God!  He isn't some abstraction or universal force that sits out there.  It literally hurts my heart that so many of us don't have the opportunity to know him and experience changes, real changes, heart changes, in our lives and to participate in the lives of other. 

He misses you.  He loves you.  He desires to be close to you.  He longs for you.  He needs you.  Yes, you!

Continuing on...
After the AA meeting, I strolled down the Champs Elysees and then proceeded to catch a Metro to Notre Dame.  It is a magnificent, beautiful church.  I have come to appreciate the art so much more now that it is part of my story or rather, that I have been folded in to God's story.  I wander the church and see all the tourists taking pictures and I wonder how many of them truly see what is there.  Art is spectacular for art's sake.  But knowing that you are a part of the art and beauty that surrounds you; well, that is always awe inspiring for me. 

In the evening, the language school had a Thanksgiving meal that was very nice.  Even though we brought our own meat and had chicken, there was stuffing, mashed potatoes, yummy desserts and pumpkin pie.  Someone found a couple pumpkins (oh-so-hard to find here) and made them from scratch.  There were so many students there, lots of kids running around, and good conversation.  It was the best Thanksgiving meal I have ever had.  Funny how being nostalgic and homesick turns things like this into incredible life giving events.  I am longing even more, even more, for the Great Banquet.  And even though I couldn't drink all the incredible wine that was out last night, I know there is some awesome stuff waiting for me, waiting for all of us who wish to partake, right now and to come!