Van Gogh and I Have Something in Common

It's 11:30 in the evening.  I have been to bed, couldn't sleep so I got back up to begin a blog post.  I am sitting here with a cup of coffee and a big slice of panettone which isn't helping much with my ever increasing temple of the Holy Spirit (aka my body) that I am growing for the Lord.  It's too bad that type of growth is harmful.  I finally put the exercise routine back into place two weeks ago and will be shaping up the diet plan this week.  I hate to talk about the mundane things like this, but the fact is that I went a little  a lot overboard with French eating when I got here and didn't stop munching on French bread and baked goods and foie gras, cheese and other assorted fatty meats.  It is time to eat clean again.  Man, that sucks.  But it is definitely contributing to some of my issues here as I learned several years ago how to manage fibromyalgia, and dietary changes were one of the (many various) changes that improved my condition.  Also, I just want to wear my jeans again. 

On a more serious note (not that my health and well being isn't important) are some of the changes that have come forth in the last several weeks.  I decided to take a break on the language courses while Bryan moves forward.  For one, the stress was weakening me, and I was tired all the time.  However, over the vacation we took a few weeks ago, I really felt the Lord showing me that he has taken me to this place to write.  I have been reading several books that were written to inspire others to begin the art of writing, and I read several lines that intrigued me in If You Want To Write by Brenda Ueland such as:

...at last I understood that writing was this: an impulse to share with other people a feeling or truth that I myself had.  Not to preach to them, but to give it to them if they cared to hear it.  If they did not--fine.  They did not need to listen.  That was all right too.
and
Writing, the creative effort, the use of the imagination, should come first--at least for some part of every day of your life.  It is a wonderful blessing if you will use it.  You will become happier, more enlightened, alive, impassioned, lighthearted, and generous to everybody. 
and
It is our nasty twentieth century materialism that makes us feel: what is the use of writing,painting, etc unless one has an audience or gets cash for it? 

 I have begun to see that here I am stuck in France without the clutter I had in California.  I always wanted to write in California but there was always an excuse to be doing something else.  Here, I am in a very small confined space with very little distractions during the day.  Most of these books that I have read have been about viewing myself as a writer and being disciplined daily to "just do it."  One of the first questions that will inevitably get asked is "What kind of book are you working on?"  And my answer right now, "I am just seeing what takes shape."  I am starting with working through periods of childhood memories.  I think what I am finally coming to terms with is that a writer (as an art) is who God created me to be, and it has taken me so long to get to this place because of societal expectations about publishing or not publishing, or is it really a legitimate title.  And the answer to the first is: I don't care if it does and only if it will glorify God and to the second, yes...it is OK to call myself a writer. I find joy from writing. 

So, my days start usually with me writing in my journal, then I will spend several hours free writing about a memory from the past (that hopefully can be patched together into a story at some point) and I might write some more reflecting on scripture or post something on the blog.  But I get such great joy from doing this, and I pray that God will use it to reflect his beautiful, compassionate nature.  It is a bit of an emotional process.  The other day it dredged up some emotions that I hadn't dealt with in awhile, so I had to sit back for awhile and work through those as they came up.

I came to France fully armed with the knowledge that things never go the way that they are planned.  Maybe for you they do, but typically not for me.  So, it took me a couple days to get over the fact that I should stop taking classes for awhile (I was a bit bummed and down), but I think it was the right decision.  I can get around in French and read quite a bit.  Bryan is still feeling around and listening to where God is leading in his life.

And I kind of like knowing that both van Gogh and I will now have our "Paris periods."  Although, I will try to keep my ear.  Maybe I can slice some off my stomach or hips right now. 

We have been trying to use the kids' days off on Wednesday to take them to see things.  Last week, we went to the Louvre.  Today, we visited the gardens at Versailles.  It was a bit nippy there, so I was ready to head back to the warm car.  This is going to be my first cold winter in a long, long time.   Some pictures of our family at Versailles:

I want to end this post with Psalm 116.  It was one of the first Psalms I prayed through as a Christian (in fact I prayed this over my AA 4th and 5th step before I burned it), and it is one that helps me remember God's faithfulness.  I love the Lord.  May you know his mercy and desire to woo you close to him.

Psalm 116

I love the Lord because he hears my voice
and my prayer for mercy.
Because he bends down to listen,
I will pray as long as I have breath!
Death wrapped its ropes around me;
the terrors of the grave overtook me.
I saw only trouble and sorrow.
Then I called on the name of the Lord:
"Please, Lord, save me!"
How kind the Lord is! How good he is!
So merciful, this God of ours!
The Lord protects those of childlike faith;
I was facing death, and he saved me.
Let my soul be at rest again, for the Lord has been good to me.
He has saved me from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling.
And so I walk in the Lord's presence
as I live here on earth!
I believed in you, so I said,
"I am deeply troubled, Lord."
In my anxiety I cried out to you, 
"These people are all liars!"
What can I offer the Lord
for all that he has done for me?
I will lift up the cup of salvation
and praise the Lord's name for saving me.
I will keep my promises to the Lord
in the presence of all his people.

The Lord cares deeply
when his loved ones die.
Oh, Lord, I am you servant;
yes, I am your servant, born into your household;
you have freed me from my chains.
I will offer you a sacrifice of thanksgiving
and call on the name of the Lord
I will fulfill my vows to the Lord
in the presence of all his people--
in the house of the Lord
in the heart of Jerusalem.

Praise the Lord!